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The Marriage Audit: How 12 Questions Can Make Your Relationship Stronger in Just 10 Minutes

John and Sarah? Just like roommates. Married 7 years but the spark? Gone. Bickering over chores and work. They still loved each other, but the joy had faded.

Their story? Too common. Divorce rates high as couples grow apart. But what if there’s a simple way to reconnect? Rekindle that fading flame?

The secret? The marriage audit. A powerful, quick exercise. Couples openly discuss their relationship. Answer 12 thought-provoking questions. Cover important aspects of married life. Shine a light on strengths and weaknesses.

This “relationship check-up”? Opens the door for open dialogue. Reminds partners why they fell in love.

10 minutes. You and your spouse. Complete this illuminating marriage audit. The 12 questions probe important issues like affection, quality time, teamwork, and personal growth as a couple. By reflecting on the highs and lows together, you can uncover the key to creating a more passionate, fulfilling marriage built to last.

So, if you want to supercharge your bond and rediscover that spark, keep reading. This quick marriage audit may be the first step toward your desired thriving partnership.

The Marriage Audit by Jean-Claude Chalmet

This powerful yet straightforward marriage evaluation tool was developed by renowned psychotherapist and wellness expert Jean-Claude Chalmet.

As the founder of The Place Retreats, a luxury wellness center in Bali, Chalmet has dedicated his career to helping individuals and couples overcome relational issues and cultivate more profound emotional well-being.

Chalmet created the marriage audit as a practical way for couples to assess the actual state of their partnership. With just 12 probing questions, duos can uncover areas of strength and blind spots or unaddressed tensions in their marriage. The audit provides a framework for open and constructive dialogue.

In Chalmet’s experience, this 10-minute marriage “check-up” allows couples to reconnect deeper. Partners can realign their priorities and values by shining a light on the relationship from multiple angles.

The audit sparks a shared vision for their future built on trust, intimacy, and mutual understanding.

The beauty of the marriage audit is that it can benefit couples at any stage. Newlyweds can use it to start their marriage on the right foot. Long-term partners can audit regularly to keep their bond strong. Couples facing challenges or conflict can utilize it to pinpoint issues and rebuild their foundation.

No matter your circumstances, the marriage audit is a powerful bonding exercise.

The 12 Questions Every Couple Should Ask

For an optimal experience, couples can take turns asking and answering each question. Or they can go through them simultaneously, discussing their individual perspectives side-by-side.

These 12 questions are best explored in a relaxed, comfortable setting – at home over coffee, on a date night, or even on a couples retreat. The more open and honest the dialogue, the more illuminating the results.

Couples should strongly consider doing this audit at least once a year, with twice annually being the ideal cadence.

So, what are the 12 essential questions?

I don’t need to kiss my partner Meme
  1. Do you kiss to say hello or goodbye?
    • This assesses essential physical intimacy beyond obligatory pecks. Affectionate kissing signals romance and passion.
  2. How much of your communication is about logistics?
    • Too much pragmatic planning can crowd out deeper conversation. Ensure you connect emotionally, too.
  3. Dinner and a box set every night – is your routine too predictable?
    • Lack of novelty and surprise breeds complacency. Regularly mixing things up keeps things exciting.
  4. Is the sex fun or is it a chore?
    • Sex shouldn’t feel mechanical or forced. There should be playfulness and pleasure between partners.
  5. Do you still hold hands?
    • Simple intimacies like hand-holding track the frequency of physical connection and tenderness.
  6. Can you remember when you last learned a new thing about your partner?
    • Continued curiosity about your spouse is vital to feeling close.
  7. Do you still make an effort with your appearance?
    • Do you let yourself go around each other? Grooming effort signals respect.
  8. What was the last thing you laughed about together?
  9. Does the prospect of an empty nest terrify you?
    • This reveals if you’ve cultivated a strong identity as a couple beyond raising kids.
  10. How many interests do you share?
    • Having things you’re enthusiastic about together prevents drifting apart.
  11. Do you complain to friends about your partner?
    • Externally criticizing signals inner disconnect. Keep loyalty and positivity within the marriage.
  12. Are there subjects you never talk about?
    • No topics should be off-limits or taboo between partners. Open and fearless dialogue is vital.
I am once again asking you to hold my hand Meme

Other Popular Marriage Audit Questions

Important note – these 12 questions? Not based on rigorous scientific methods. But still invaluable. The core idea? Encourage couples to do regular “check-ups.” Not all couples do this.

Yearly physical for your body? Sure. Relationship or marriage “check-up”? That’s the marriage audit. Assess your bond’s condition. Catch issues or problems early.

That said, Jean-Claude Chalmet’s list is not the only valuable set of questions to ask. Here are some other insightful ones you can include during your Marriage Audit sessions:

  1. “Do you admire your partner?”
  2. “How often do you tell your partner what you like about him or her?”
  3. “Are you there for each other when one of you is in need?”
  4. “Do you still enjoy spending time together?”
  5. “How often do you express gratitude to your partner?”
  6. “Do you still make each other laugh?”
  7. “How often do you try to do something new with your partner?”
  8. “Do you still show each other affection outside the bedroom?”
  9. “Are you still curious about each other?”
  10. “Do you still support each other’s dreams and goals?”

The consistent practice of open evaluation and recommitment through dialogue is the foundation of a thriving, long-lasting partnership.


As a relationship coach, I wholeheartedly agree with Jean-Claude Chalmet on the necessity of regular marriage audits. Too often, couples grow complacent and take their marital bond for granted. They forget that relationships and marriages require proactive maintenance and work like any rewarding aspect of life.

This type of work on a relationship is the difference between a marriage lasting 7 or 20 years and one that lasts a lifetime.

Chalmet’s initial list of 12 insightful questions provides an excellent framework to begin the practice of routinely evaluating your partnership. But as we’ve explored, couples can utilize many other illuminating questions and exercises.

The key is appreciating the immense value of purposefully assessing your marriage’s strengths, weaknesses, and evolving needs together.

Committing to a marriage audit, whether Chalmet’s or an approach tailored to your unique circumstances, is simply part of the vital work of nurturing your precious relationship.

In the same manner that annual physicals are crucial for overall health, taking a step back to honestly discuss where you’re at as a couple is a robust preventative measure. It allows you to identify and address issues early before they escalate into more severe disconnects.

And just like the story of John and Sarah we opened with, no marriage is immune to the slow fade of passion and joy without this kind of intentionality. You breathe new life into your bond by shining a light on your relationship through open discussion.

Why do you always complain about me to your friends? Meme

So, ask each other the hard questions. Speak vulnerably about hopes, fears, frustrations, and dreams. Rediscover your friendship and why you fell in love – before it’s too late.

Your vibrant, intimate marriage may depend on it. For help crafting your own custom marriage audit, feel free to reach out or leave a comment. I’d also love to hear about any other insightful audit questions from your experiences that we should add to the discussion. And if you found this advice valuable, please share this article with other couples who could benefit from a marriage check-up together.

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